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Where I've Been & Where I'm Going

Except for 2010, 2011 has been the more difficult year for me to date. This is the year that I've been learning how to live with out my mom physically being here. I have a couple of ups and a lot of downs. Most days, I've spent sleeping, staying up online until all times of the night/morning, not walking, not leaving my house, avoiding life things, not writing. It's been the year I've done the most amount of travelling too. A year ago at this time I just had gotten back from Atlanta, GA. This past March and early April I went to Vancouver BC and then hit Portland, OR and San Francisco for WonderCon. This past July I spent a week in LA with a friend and then a week in San Diego for Comic Con. When I was out I was pretty active, but back at home I'm sluggish and lack any routine.

When X-Men: First Class premiered, I was three days from my 30th birthday. I normally like birthdays, but this one I wasn't to happy about because 1. I was turning 30 and 2. my mom wasn't here when she should have been. So I got to bury my head under the rock called Tumblr and the XMFC fandom and indulge and not come back out until Comic Con. But a little while after getting back home, I've kind of
gone back. Besides Tumblr, I've been taking part in XMFC fandom in RP. I've made some good friends and have gotten back into writing--at least as far as character writing goes. I still feel heavily rusty.

What I'd like to do is work on my writing projects that tie into losing my mom. I am doing a joint project with an artist friend, but it's been a topic that is so hard for me to stay in for very long. Even now, I struggle with talking about the feelings. I know I've gotten emotionally numb and am still quite tired.

The 9th wasn't as hard as I thought it could have been--which could be because of me being emotionally stunned. I really don't know. But I did make a realization about career plans I am going to pursue. While looking up information on Carl Jung--someone I've been interested in for a while, but yes, my interest has been intensified because Michael Fassbender is playing him in A Dangerous Method--I realized that a lot of my core interests and spiritual beliefs are Jungian theories. I never saw a practical application in my interest in coincidences. I thought it was my flight of fancy and quirkiness, but now I am thinking I could do something with it. I actually have some hope for getting back to school, when I have been uncertain about graduate school for seven years. If I ever meet Fassbender, I think I should thank him for indirectly helping me find my calling.

I am going to try to buckle down on my writing. Doing those projects I need to do and start working on prep work for NaNoWriMo.

I'm also working with a creativity coach--the same one I was going to be working with earlier this year, but I stopped e-mailing her. Apparently she thought I would reply if she e-mailed me. Her e-mail came at a good time for me because I really would like a little help. I'd like someone to bounce ideas off of. I might be continuing with my life coach, who I was putting off a bit before and after Comic Con. Her fee is kind of intimidating and I genuinely felt I didn't want to talk to anyone until after the 9th. I needed to ride it out by myself. And like I predicted, I am finding myself ready to begin tackling some things, but taking things gradually. Not only can I take on too much, I get ahead of myself, I use things to avoid, and I drop everything I'm involved in. These habits permeate all aspects of my life. I was able to get more done when my mom was here. She was a taskmaster to me and my dad and it's so hard to do things by ourselves. :( I'm pretty sure that we're both depressed, though. So it isn't
just a lack of interest/desire in getting things done; there is a physical reason.

Right now, at this moment, I feel pretty good.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 10th, 2011 11:22 am (UTC)
Good luck with everything. *snuggles*

I went to IMDB to check A Dangerous Method. Whoa. What a cast. And it's a Cronenberg movie? I'm in! Even though it's not out yet, the user rating is 9.2/10. I can't wait to see it.
Sep. 28th, 2011 12:23 am (UTC)

I love the idea of working with a creativity coach, but I've never even heard of such a thing. How does it work? Do you think it's helping you?

ETA: I turned 50 this year, and it wasn't a good birthday for me either for a number of reasons. I also still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. *g* I hope this coming year is a better one for you.

Edited at 2011-09-28 12:24 am (UTC)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


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She Who Writes

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